As I sit here at my computer, staring at all the inspirational quotes around my office I am reminded of how blessed I am to have this life. But something has been gnawing at me for the past few months and I wonder if anyone else has had these feelings when it comes to the process of aging...
You see... in 3 weeks I'm having a BIG Birthday! The BIG "50" Yup!!! ... and it has snuck up on me so quietly and with such persistence that I wasn't prepared for the wash of feelings that would come over me as this day approached.
All my life, I've always been a pretty optimistic person. I give thanks to the loved ones around me and I practice gratitude on a daily basis. Yet last week I found myself sitting in my car, staring out at Belwood Lake and sobbing as I tried to write out some of the feelings that had overcome my body and soul.
When it comes to my art... (whether it's drawing, painting or writing) I never filter out what comes up.... because for me, that's the method that I must go through in order to process my thoughts and emotions.
In saying that... I wrote this poem to honour my feelings about the process of aging and I wonder whether other women have felt the same way when approaching a milestone birthday... you see, I dont feel at all that I am anywhere near the age of 50, yet I see little signs of this aging thing happening and although my body will one day feel it's age, I surely don't think my heart and soul will ever be there.
So in honour of my feelings... I release this poem in hopes that I might look back one day at the age of 70 and laugh and say "My Goodness Lady, what were you thinking?... 50 was so Young!" :)
My time will soon come
When they no longer glance my way
I've watched it play out
As I feel my hips sway
The cute little wiggle
That used to accompany each step
Has taken a back seat
To the ache in my hip
I knew it wouldn't last forever
But feeling desired is something we all crave
I press my hands upon my heart
And pray that in time I'll be brave
I feel myself fading
My silhouette disperses into thin air
And I ask myself over and over
Will anyone really care
I know were told to age with grace
And embrace our golden years
But my mind is still a 20 year old
Who wants to dance and cheer
That woman's reflection stares back at me
I try to embrace her with all my heart
But underneath those searching eyes
Is a young temptress wanting a chance at the lead part
I know one day I'll be invisible
The young women will soon take my place
But I'll hold on just a little while longer
Until I'm ready to age with grace
~ Jennifer E. Robinson ~
Thank you for visiting my blog... a little bit about me. :)